And here I sit contemplating yet again the road my life has taken. How did I get where I am, when I wanted to be some where completely different?
Choices that are not choices, choices that are choices- and everything in between on the road to where I am...
I often wonder what sort of person I would have been if adoption had not entered my life. Would I still think it was a wonderful thing? Or would I like many realize that there is something wrong with the system? That it is a broken thing, in need of demolishing, of tearing down and not rebuilding it in any way that would resemble what it is now?
I know who I am, and I love who I am, for all the suffering and pain I have gone through has made me a whole person. Not fractured as I once was-when I was living in the land of Denial- that person hid most of herself. Hid the shame and guilt and pain. I don't do that now, I speak right up and tell people exactly what I think of adoption, and about what it did to me, and to my life.
How it almost broke me, almost killed me, almost....
But, but...
Here I stand, not bent, or bowed, but tall and proud of who I am, and what I have accomplished.
I refuse to bow, or to scrape, for crumbs from the table of another woman who calls herself mother. One who can't, or won't acknowledge me. I am not a threat to her, or her motherhood. I am not, but she does not see that- I wish she could~
8 comments:
Yey! I'm glad that you are writing again. And, that you were not broken. You are a very strong woman!
((hugs))
I could have written this. Thanks for expressing this so well.
You two make me so happy- and I am glad I am writing again as well. the last two years have been so hard. But as Maya Angelou said, Still I Rise~
Mary - you make me proud to know you. You are much like so many who can't seem to voice their feelings.
Bravo - well said. I could not have written it better or with more reality than you.
Lori, you made me blush- and thank you, what a huge compliment from you. I love how you write, it's real and honest and so- I can't even express it in words.
(((((((Lori))))))))
Mary, you will always deserve more than crumbs. No, you are not a threat to her "motherhood." How can you threaten something that doesn't exist?
Mary -
Wonderful stuff here & Robin said it best: you will always deserve more than crumbs.
Much love -
M.
Melynda- remember that when you see your child again- all of us deserve more than crumbs-
Robin- yes, and yes, and yes~
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