Learn how to spell please? I know sometimes you get in a rush and make mistakes, but seriously? Some of the comments I have gotten on one post are just so bad it makes me wonder if they got left behind in school! Use spell check, it's there for a reason!
Plus these comments keep using that damn bword- I am not going to publish anything with that word in it, unless it's the name of the poster! Read the rules will ya please?
Now then, where was I? Oh right, adooption and how it almost killed me- and no, that is not me being dramatic. I joined the army almost 9 months to the day my daughter was born. It was a way of "moving on" or so I thought at the time. What it really was, was me running away from the horror of what had happened to me.
It's not that I think being in the Army was bad for me, it was in many ways very good for me. I learned a lot, traveled a lot, lived in another country for two years. So in those ways it was good for me. But, it also gave me a way to hide from the pain... Pain that just did not go away as I had been told it would.
I think I need to explore this period in my life further. To know and understand those days is I think imperative for my healing-
10 comments:
Ok, so we are not happy with poor spelling - lol! I understand - and no, comments do not have spell check (at least not that I can see).
I too joined the Army - I signed the papers in June and left on the first of the following January for basic. It was one of my attempts to self-destruct. I was praying that someone would shoot me, either in a war or on accident. Also, it was a place where I could act totally insane - drunk most of the time, or just did not care - and no one would think much of it as long as I followed the rules and did my job.
And, in a way, it was my savior. It gave me the discipline I needed to not totally self-destruct and it is where I met my husband.
Between the Army and my spouse, I stopped drinking completely (I was not all that fond of it in the first place), and pulled my head around facing forward. At least outwardly.
Definitely a period of my life that saved my life. I don't think that I would have survived if I had not been in a place that controlled just how self-destructive I was.
I get that.
Hey Lori- *wry grin* Yeah I know, but slow down and read what you wrote ya know?
I signed in June and left in September, after fighting to lose enough weight to "make weight" I know exactly what you mean about the Army giving you that. If I hadn't done something I would have self-destructed. Like you, I drank too much, maybe not as much as you did. I was a cook and couldn't afford to drink all the time- too busy working! It was my savior too- Between working and partying, I didn't have a whole lot of time to think about the awful thing that had happened to me. *sigh* I did spend a lot of that first year crying- and trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me though. I wish I could find all my journals..
How strange you mention journals. I journal, albeit a bit spotty, but I have hang ups about writing stuff down, hold overs from foster care.
Oddly, I write/blog prolifically and honest to a fault. I have said things on my blog I never said out loud - and the entire world can see my blog!
Yes, the Army saved me - but even there I was in a dangerous job - Nuclear Chemical and Biological Warfare specialist - LOL!
Now, by the grace of the Universe, and a lot of perserverance (sp?) on my part, my daughter and I are doing well - better than good. That says a lot.
I was a diet cook, lived in Germany the year we bombed Libya- and the year the shuttle blew up. Our PX was bombed that year, I was in Frankfurt Am Main. I had about thrity notebooks/journals that got lost when I ETS'd. Not to mention my pictures and a bunch of other stuff they managed to lose. I liked cooking in an hospital, but it really wasn't as safe as everyone thought.
I think my daughter and I are doing well- we have our ups and dowsn. Mostly these days up thank the gods! I am glad you have a good relationship as well-
Wow, my daughter lived in Germany in early 1983 and in Greece in 1985 - then in 1988 they returned to the states. I just realized she was gone over 5 years - leaving the country when the adoption was still not final! I did not think you could do that! Especially since there was no paperwork for them to take her out of country!
My daughter has always believed that the adoption was not legal - I wonder!
They were in Frankfurt Am Main also - her adopter father was in commo. Crazy Greek adopter mother. Sad.
Curious
I wonder if I knew him- it's wierd isn't it, that whole six degrees? My daughter was adopted into New Jersey, and I did my basic training at Fort Dix- serendipity in action-
Wow Mary you have had some experiences! Who can say they've been bombed?
You know what I do with comments that use the b word? I edit them. I change it to natural. I have it stated clearly that I will do this. I find the b terms offensive and I do not have to have them on my blog. I honestly don't think anyone has noticed that I change it yet. Then again the blog wars haven't hit me in a couple of years so I haven't had to do it much. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. Hell I'm proud of me for standing up for myself lol
How do I change the word Aislin? I am pretty clueless on some of this! LOL
I've never done it in blogger. I'm a wordpress girl. Let me see if I can find out a way to do it on there.
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