Dancing with myself....

Did it ever occur to you that our lives are like a dance? We spin and turn and step and dip in tune to the decisions we make. Good or bad we move to the music we create. Before my life seemed to be all in a minor key, dark and sad, even a little tortured. (Gee go figure) Now there are still some minor notes, but most days I hear a major key, and no more dissonance. That bone jarring note I used to hear is gone. Was it therapy that did it? Or was it just me waking up one day and realizing my grief had become easier to bear, that I no longer had to hide it from myself or anyone else?

My dance has become a dance of triumph. One in which I can be myself, totally and completely again. Not afraid of what anyone has to say, one in which I do what I want, and not what others want of me. I have gotten rid of the things that I didn't need to keep, and gathered some others that I did need. I don't care a whit about what anyone thinks about my relationship with my daughter, or her raised siblings, nor do I care what her other family thinks of me. I used to care, but when I finally learned that they are not willing to face their own demons and loss I stopped caring about how it affected them, and worried more about how it affected me and my children. Learning to balance things with all four of them is a challenge I deal with everyday. It is a learning experience and like everything takes time. But we are all getting there, slowly sometimes it seems, but still getting there.

Dancing with yourself should be a revelation, it should be something you do with joy. Dancing these last two years, learning new steps has been an amazing thing. From a sorrowful solo, I have come to this place where I can dance with passion, dance for me, and for my children. This wonderful symphony of life continually amazes me. I don't always dance alone, sometimes it is a group effort, full of the pathos of human life, but that is what makes the dance worthwhile. The things you learn about life and where you are in it, and how you fit into it. What makes it your dance, is unique. What makes it yours is what you bring to it. I hope someday when my life is over people will say "She danced and lived her life the way it was meant to be"

Oh a Lovely blog I found (she said sarcastically)

Ok so a friend pointed this one out to me. Wanna hurl? Then go here and read

ameasureofgrace.blogspot.com

or for a laugh or two

dailydoofus.blogspot.com

More updates coming, I have been very, very lax these last few months! Sorry about that