That song got me thinking- Perfectly Flawed? Or, Beautifully Broken? Are we mom's both those things? Are we broken, and then made whole? Do our flaws make us beautiful and unique?
I have a user icon that has the words Beautifully Broken on it- (yes from the song, I first saw it used by my friend Suz, and co-opted it because it fits) Which was the prompt that had my friend Guy post the song I myself posted last night.
It has in the lyrics the words "work in progress" and "Cracks in glass" One of my dear, dear friends, (GG) called me a mosaic, and a work in progress. I like that, because really aren't we all works in progress? Do we not evolve, change and become different people over the course of our years, and through our experience's?
I don't know how I came to where I am now, all I know is I like where I am.
Student, mother, daughter, lover- all those things and more- not exactly in that order of course- but all those things are good things. Wonderful things, amazing things, and sometimes sad things-
We all talk about loss in this thing called adoption, grief, pain, denial, and more grief- But I really want all of us to be able to talk about the good things in life too. Like the joy you find in being found, the joy of knowing, and finally being able to put some of the ghosts to rest- the joy of being one whole again once the missing piece is found..
Because the thing is, the broken part comes not only from the loss, but from the not knowing, the not being able to grieve. Grief smacks you right upside the head when you are found/or you find-and then all these emotions come flooding back, the pain is trebled over what it was you thought it was at the start- But then once the floodgates open, and it's spilling out of you, and the bleeding that started with the loss starts to lessen, and then the wound begins to heal, and one day you wake up and realize, while you may still be broken in ways that will never heal, you are a whole person again. Stronger and braver than you ever imagined you could be.
I know people talk about "coming out the other side" but in order to do that, you have to remember this- to get past it, you have to go through it- a very wise young woman told me that. She was more right than I ever thought she was back then... I have come out the other side now- and really? It sure feels fine~
2 comments:
Oh Mary! What a wonderful post! I have been in such a funk, focusing on 30 years of unacknowledged loss. Not looking for a positive side of all this emotional garbage I have finally had to face. You have given me a swift kick & made me realize the good. I need to remember & live the joy in being found, getting answers to my questions... I have "been going through it", I now need to get past it.
My missing piece HAS been found, I AM whole again! Thank you for helping me to see this.
Susie
Susie- it took me a very long time to realize exactly what it was too- my daughter is 26 now- and those missing pieces of our hearts are such big pieces aren't they?
I am so glad that my words may have helped you see the whole of it- Please keep commenting and reading! I appreciate the wisdom often imparted in my comments~
Much love,
Mary
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