"Don't live your life in regret" Zoe Greystone
That is a line from the show Caprica- I think it's a great line- in fact I think the show is going to be great- It has everything it needs to be a truly great show (or so I believe) but the show is not the point of this post- Although I do have to give a big shout out to Sasha Roiz and Esai Morales - both are so good (not to mention SEX-ON-A-STICK!) and if you are not watching this show, you should be!
So let's pick it apart this regret thing, it kind of goes with my thoughts yesterday on ways of seeing.
As one commenter pointed out- we see things through the lens of our experiences. I believe that everything in my life has been coloured by the moment I lost my child to what a lot of us call the adoption machine. (and it is the kind of machine that chews you and spits you out, bleeding and ragged)
So the list then, yes?
What I regret-
1) I regret not being informed
2) I regret not being able to truly make a choice (informed or otherwise)
3) I regret all my lost years
4) I regret not insisting on Jack being responsible
5) I regret just letting it go and ending up in a place where I was in no position to think let alone make a coherent decision of any kind.
6) I regret all the time that I have wasted since my reunion fighting not to feel my feelings (although that part has been done for a long time now)
7) I regret all the these things and more-
What I don't regret-
1) Loving my daughter(s) and my sons
2) Loving my mother enough to be with her to the end- as hard as it was for me to watch the woman I idolized suffer, I do not regret one single minute I spent with her.
3) Loving my life, and what I am doing with it
4) Loving a man who has given me so much without ever knowing he was giving it
5) Loving all of my family despite what they may think or believe, that I do not
6) Loving and caring for people despite what I have gone through in my life
7) Writing this blog, it helps more than anyone would ever believe, it is after all my story, my life, and more importantly my feelings
8) Teaching my raised children that love is never wrong, that sometimes being weak, is really being strong.
9) Teaching my children that the words I love you-must mean something if you say them
10) Helping people, even if it has sometimes bitten me in the end. I learned from it-
11) Wanting to help people in spite of my own experiences in life- I believe it says more about a person who has gone through hell, and still wants to help, than doing nothing and wallowing in self pity.
12) I also love the fact that I have come to a place where so many different minds meet and intersect, and while we may not all agree, we can at least agree to disagree-
Funny how that second list is longer isn't it? I choose not to live my life with regret. But to be a woman who is Strong and Beautiful, without regret. (Thank you for that thought Ms Suz)
How do you all choose to live your lives? Do you choose to really see? Do you choose to live without regret? DO you choose to be as strong and beautiful as you can be?
I do choose, and in the end I regret only that adoption hurt me, and my child(ren) funny isn't it, that my entire regret list comes back to that one thing.
As I said, it comes with the way we see things- I feel as if now finally and truly, I am seeing in all the ways that I can~
6 comments:
I guess i take a step back and ask "what does regret mean?" The answer i tend to come up with is, in context of regret regarding a past event is: "Looking back at the past and feeling bad that you did or did not do something."
Whether it is regret for a past action, for a future action ("I regret this, but I have to send you to your room for slapping your sister"), it always seems to come back to the concept of "an act that one has done or not done."
Would a hockey fan say: "I regret that the Canucks didn't win the Stanley Cup last year." Likely not, unless one's using the term 'regret' to mean disappointment. (Of course, if you are Coach Vigneault and blaming yourself, that is a different matter :) ).
Wikipedia has a great article talking about regret.
Mary, do you really regret all those things you had no control over, or were powerless to prevent?
Some people accuse us of feeling "regret,' as in "I know a lot of [birthers] who regret their decision." But I would challenge that statement. I do not regret the surrender of my son any more than I regret being raped -- Neither were actions I had any power to prevent, and hence neither were actions I "performed." I feel no guilt, shame, regret, or self-hate about either violation. Neither should you.
Cedar you said "I feel no guilt, shame, regret, or self-hate about either violation. Neither should you"
No I don't feel regret in that way- what I regret is not being smarter- not knowing my rights- what happened was not my fault- no not one little bit. I am not disappointed either- It's such a hard thing to even think about, let alone write about- and it gets all mixed up with your emotions.
I regret what was done to me, and to my child- and yes I mean that as something that was done to us- not by us-
I am all over the place on this one- clearly I have work to do still yes?
The question is: Can someone regret what they were not responsible for? I ask this because the word 'regret' is so particularly defined in people's minds as meaning "I am sorry I did/didn't do that." Maybe the semantics of the word 'regret' include culpability?
blame this on me majoring in psych and linguistics. :)
Oh that psych stuff gets me too- Culpability is a good word to use- not that I would apply that word to myself- the agency oh hellah yes! I need to think about this some more-
Wait a sec... you're watching Caprica???
Jeff- yes, yes I am- why?
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