What's in a name? A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet~ Shakespeare
Right, and he didn't know what the hell he was talking about when he wrote that line. Because seriously, if you don't think names are important to our lost ones you are so very wrong.
Imagine being called one name your entire life and then finding out you were born with a different name? A name that was given a lot of thought, one that took months to choose. Then boom, along comes a new family and that name goes away, until one day you find say a letter, with your actual name from birth in it? Can you imagine the kind of wierdness that comes after that?
Can you imagine looking in a mirror and saying:
"Hi ----, I'm ----" - "Hi ---, I'm ---" same person two names and you have to figure out who you are all over again. I can't imagine how frakked up that has to be for an adoptee.
I can imagine all too well what can happen if the adult adoptee decides for themselves to take back that name, and make it their own. The fall out has to be tremendous. (Don't ask, I do know) But the best thing to do? Don't let it own you, let those who have the problem own their stuff, you own your stuff. It's really that simple- You make your choice, and you stick to it- and no one gets to tell what to do. You decide, you are the master of your own fate-
Once again I say- life just is- and for that I am grateful. Becuase once in awhile, life cuts you some slack, and things happen that amaze you, even if they aren't done for you, the effect is huge-
By the way, did I mention I am totally in love with my daughter? Yeah, I am- she's amazing, and lovely, and I am so proud of the woman she has become....
10 comments:
I actually dont like my birth name.. lisa marie.. it just doesnt fit me at all.. I dont think i look like a lisa either.. So to look in a mirror and say it.. well it feels totally unnatural.. I wonder how my mom feels about me being named Pam..
My cousin is Lisa Ann- the whole Marie thing screams Elvis at me- lol
I know I was shattered when I found her name- because honestly she just wasn't made to wear that name. Not from where I sit anyway, I thought so long and hard about her name, and found out later they just pulled her new name out of hat! No thought, nothing behind it, just picked it- that makes me crazy....
I like the name Pam btw it's my sister in laws name-
Never liked the name imposed on me but didn't know my real name for decades.The rose smells sweet it's the name that stinks.
My daughter has the name I gave her - I named her when I was a little over three months pregnant.
It suits her.
You know it's funny, I never realized that I might have had another name before I was adopted. But come to find out, I didn't have one, my mother never named me. So I kind of wonder what the foster parents called me for those first 4 months of my life.
I have never liked nor "fit" my adopted name either. It still, to this day, feels really strange rolling off my tongue when I introduce myself.
My mother named me Valerie Louise when I was born. She named me that because she liked that name. My middle name is her mother's and her aunt's middle name. When I was adopted my name was changed. I'm happy that my birthmother took the time to name me but I really don't like that name. It doesn't really suit me. The name that my adoptive parents gave me seems to much better suits me.
Lillie- even moms who don't name their babies, name them in their hearts-
LB- I like the name Louise my Aunt's name was Jean Louise and I named my daughter after her, because she looked just like her in many ways and for many other reasons- although I would never use Louise for a first name- and get called Weezy? Wow!
Eh, while names certainly do affect people, I tend to agree with Bill. Did your morals change? Your likes and dislikes? Your favorite movie suddenly isn't because your name is different?
It's too subjective to call, no?
Jeff- subjective it is, but for some it's not about what changes about themselves, and for some knowing changes everything.
i have two comments to make... 1-in my heart, i had "named" my first born son i lost to adoption... that name... Kyler John. The name his adoptive parents gave him... Kai... I was beyond a little shocked when i found out how similiar his name was to the name i had picked for him if i were to keep him. come to find out, they were going to name him some other name that went along with bruce, but upon holding him... the adoptive dad declared, "this boys name is kai". i have heard of this common occurence, adoptees coming with or receiving the same name each set of parents had intended to call him on this earth. i have also heard that it is the archangel rapheal's job to whisper the names of the babies in the parents ears. maybe we ourselves pick out which name we are to be called. as much as i have not liked my birth given name, keri, i have grown to love it. my 2nd comment... my birth given name was keri jean dangerfield. at 6 years of age my step father adopted my sister and i and we were stripped of our birth given sire name dangerfield and it was replaced with our adopted name, poulsen... a name i never bonded with. it wasnt until my reunite with my son that i realized that i, too, had identity issues. as soon as i plugged my birth given name back in my name, i felt complete. keri jean dangerfield poulsen stone. that is who i am, that is the path i have taken. i had read that they were trying to change the ways of adoption in the sense of sending the baby with their sire name still intact. it actually makes better sense...that is who you(adoptee) are and the path you have taken. adoption is far from ideal and i pray that we all learn from the mistakes of the past and get to the point where we can keep babies with their original mothers, keep their identity intact, and have family, friends, neighbors mentor with mothers in need instead of separating mother and child. adoption is such a permanent solution for a temporary problem, "unplanned pregnancy".
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