Insomnia~

Yes it strikes when I least expect it. Today was long and busy. Work was a zoo, non-stop from 8 pm to close. My seond driver stayed very late, the new server had no clue how to really close the dinging room (hasn't been trained properly because I didn't train her, she got the crash course tonight) and the stupid alarm system was not set properly, which of course entailed me calling my boss to get the directions on how to set it correctly. (Ugh not a fun call to make at midnight let me assure you!) Of course then I scared myself silly when it seemingly alarmed. (It didn't thank god) So, I drop off the server because I promised her mother I would give her a ride home. Get back on the rode, my accelerator pedal decides now is a good time to stick! (Not) I call K (I had called her earlier to tell her I wouldn't be in our nightly adoptese chat and promised to call her after I was done at work) *sigh* Long day got longer but that was ok, I was talking to my girl right?

So, we chatted for about an hour. Now I call my friend Mer. I had a feeling she was not doing so good. (Her son found her about oh 8 months ago) Said son had pulled back big in the reunion. This happend after he told his arents. (Why does this not surprise me?) So the other day she gets an e-mail from him finally. He apologizes for acting like an ass and not keeping in contact with her. She is now brooding about it. Seriously depressed brooding. At first she didn't want to talk at all. Being my charming and winning self, I coaxed her into talking anyway. Finally she says to me, "Is there something wrong with me?" Serious voice question. Ya know the kind I mean? I promptly told her no, there is nothing wrong with you or me for that matter, or any of us. We have these perfectly natural responses in our lives because something really un-nartural happened to us. ( I didn't use those words exactly, but that was the gist of it) So, we continue talking and she says she is tried of "it" it being all the adoption stuff. I told her to take a break if she had to. (Joe says breaks are not allowed, but he means from talking to our kids, not the kind of break I am talking about, somedays you just need to not think, breathe, talk, and obsess about adoption) I also told her that once things are a little more stable and settled, that I think she needs to tell her son how his pulling back made her feel. (not that he is responsible for her emotions, but that it hurt her when he did that, sometimes our children are rude, unthinking, and ill-mannered, and it is not so good for us) She also asked me what I thought about his pulling back. I gave her my not so humble opionon, which of course involved the whole loyalty/not wanting to hurt his arents speech, and how it is very hard for some adoptees to handle the fact that their parents ( read arents here please) are not supportive of reunion, that in fact they down right refuse to share, and have no intention of allowing "their child" the freedom to form a loving relationship with their nmom. I Told her to tell her son to keep them out of their reunion, all it would do is conflict him and make it harder in the long run. Most arents either want to control the reunion, prevent it or stop it cold in it tracks. (Been there done that, it is not so fun for either an nparent or the child/adult in the reunion. IT in fact makes it downright awful sometimes)

OF course all of this got me thinking about K and our reunion. While we have had bumps, and occasional sticks thrown in our road but, we mostly are good. Her parents made it a battle and used her as the ball. Put her right square in the middle of us and basically told her to choose. She refuses to make that choice. I say good for her! Why should she have to make a choice like that? Her parents love her, I love her, her other family loves her, and my family loves her. Why should she have to make a choice? Love is good for us no matter where we find it. I say that you can never have enough love in your life. I say that if all of this adoption stuff is supposed to be "in the best interst of" why isn't it in our childrens best interest to have a good and loving relationship with us? They are adults, and they can make those decisions for themselves. Somedays ( most days I think ) I want to smack those people upside the head and yell "Wake the fuck up! Don't you get it yet?" and well those thoughts make think it is better that we haven't met yet. (and are not likely to any time soon) Wouldn't it be grand if all adoptive parents got it? IF they all actually did what was in the "best interst of"?

*sigh* I can dream can't I? Maybe there are more out there that get it like Heidi, or Afrindie or Mo. I can hope there are, I Can also hope that adoption goes the way of the dinosaur. But you know, it isn't happening anytime soon is it? So we will keep working for the kind of reform they have in NSW, New Zealand and Australia. Take the money out of the equation and guess what? Yeah adoption is a very rare thing indeed in those places where money has been taken out of the mix. Again I can dream can't I?