So-I have been thinking about words and wounds

I have waited a really long time to post this comment. I did not post it on the op "It's Been Awhile" because I knew who wrote it, and chalked it up to her age. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought we as mothers need to confront hurtful comments such as this-

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you dont matter. all you do is sit there and complain about a life your not living and wasting your life on a person that you gave up by your choice and you dont live for those you have in your life, and they hate you for it if your blind to that to. you will have no one. and i feel thats what you deserve.By Anonymous on It's Been Awhile "

I have written several times about "picking scabs" and it felt for a long time that posting this little gem would be doing that. So I waited-and here it is. I have to wonder now what really motivated that comment. I don't matter- that's the first thing that stung. How can I not matter to my children? Whether you agree with how I parent them or not is besides the point, how can a mother not matter to her children? Doesn't matter that I didn't raise my eldest, I still mattered enough for her to come find me.

The second thing that stung? "That you gave up by your choice" I don't know how many times I have to say it wasn't a choice. I don't know how many times any mother has to say it wasn't a choice. Being lied to, and being coerced means there is no choice. Simple, end of story, I had no choice. Do I need to scream this from the top of the Sears Tower in the middle of the day for it to be heard? Does any mother have to do this? Listen when we tell you-WE HAD NO CHOICE!

I think I addressed the "being blind" part- so how about this. "You don't live for those you have in your life" well, actually yes I do. They are the reason I go to school, the reason I work, the reason I open my eyes in the morning. The simple joy of seeing their faces is what keeps me going even on the days I don't want to go on. I don't believe they hate me, nor do I believe they ever will.

"you will have no one. and I feel thats what you deserve" you can feel whatever you like, as for deserving to be alone, well I might indeed be alone someday. Most of us are, but it won't be because my children hate me, or because I deserve to be. It will be because my children have moved on, moved out and are living their lives as adults. I hope that they can come to me with their problems, and ask for my advice on their problems, or any other thing they need advice on.

My children whom I raised still say goodnight to me everynight, they tell me they love me, and you are long gone. I can't help but think my child is better off without you in their life. It wasn't a good relationship for either of you. I love you as I love him. But I know that when you wrote this you were hurt, and angry, and you also knew just how much these words would hurt. I forgive you for that. The thing is, many many people believe that what you wrote is what natural mothers deserve in truth. That is why we must confront comments like this, face them, and allow them to roll off our backs like water off a ducks back. If we don't, if we let the words fester inside us, let the words make us bleed, all we are doing is letting a wound become infected and then? We end up picking those scabs again, and that is not good for us.