I had a terrible time Saturday night. I got thinking about my mom, why didn't she try harder to talk me out of adoption? I don't know that answer to that, and really I wonder if I want to know the answer. We have both been through so much pain in our lives. Too much really. Would talking about this do any good, or change anything? I don't think so. I think all it will do is make mom and I revisit something that I really don't want to revisit right now. Maybe in the future I will be strong enough to talk to her about it, right now I am not. I know K, thinks I should talk to her, so do many other people. I also know they are right, that I should talk to her, but I also know that for right now, it is not the right time for me. Maybe when I am in Florida and can talk to her face to face, I know talking on the phone, for me would be not such a good way to have this particular conversation. I have to think about it some more before I can make that decision..
Probably more later... Oh hell I know there will be more later, but right now I have to go to work.. Blarg, don't wanna go, but I do need the $$$$
7 comments:
((hugs))
The important thing, is to take care of you. I know I prefer face to face discussions. If now is not the right time, only you can know that.
take care
Thanks chica. missed you in chat tonight. Hope you are allright!
(((((((((HEather)))))))
I was exhausted. I had to go to sleep and do some self care before the big move. ((((hugs))))
i have the same thoughts. i want to ask my mom why she did certain things, allowed certain things but i dont really see that any good will come out of it. so I keep quiet. she will be hurt or she will say it was my choice or she will refuse to see my PoV. so I keep quiet.
ME too Kim, me too.. no amount of talk or any of the other things would ever convince me to not help my daughters..
Yeah Suz, I know what you mean, but I need to ask her. I just can't do it right now. *sigh*
Its so amazing to me how many of our mothers are th ones who were a bi contributing factor to the adoptions.
MSP
Yes it amazing how so many mothers contributed to the whole thing..
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