Tummy mommy?

What the hell is a tummy mommy? And this quetion from a father "What would the male equivalent be? A dick daddy?"(quote from "birthmothers" Exploited by Adoption page on- http://exiledmothers.com) I wonder somedays what are people thinking? The answer I get is of course, they are thinking about the money to be made and making adoptive parents happy. I mean I understand all about correct adoption terms and how they are not for us, they are for aparents. It makes them feel better and all that, but what about us? How do you suppose we feel about this kind of crap? I have been doing some reading on other moms blogs and have found the same feelings there that I have about this. Is it any wonder that we mothers are so full of rage sometimes? I read my childs writings and feel her pain leap off the page at me. It makes my heart hurt, it breaks it over and over when I see her pain. I resent the fact that her family seems to think I am a "nothing" just a friend in her life. I resent it alot, I never would have thought that in asking to share in her life, there would be so much drama. I don't mean share her like she is an object, she is not. She is a human being, who can never be owned or shared as if she were a toy. So they bought and paid for her, and their joy was based on my pain. Seems to me that they forget that simple truth. My pain was the cause of their joy! So how do I get past my anger at the rejection? I have never said anything derogatory about her family, they love and have done their best for her all these years. Yet how can I not feel as if they are not thinking of her best interests? Because it seems to me that if they were this all would not be happening. I am not a "tummy monny" nor am I am a "birthmother". Those words negate me in a way I find hard to explain. I have three other children, and I know that I am nothing but their mother. It confuses me that others would see me as just a "birthmother" or a "tummy mommy" I am not an incubator, I am a mother who lost her child, who lives with the grief of that loss every single day. I have had this much on my mind lately. I can't seem to get it out of my head, the pain I feel is very real, the pain my child feels is very real, and we both need to learn to heal from these wounds. I am certain that the healing for her must be a bit harder, her mother also needs to heal from wounds she will not even acknowledge. It is what it is, and nothing I do now will change the past. All I can do is change my future.