Stuff and other stuff...

So, I am not going to remove my blog, just so you all know that. I am however going to be mindful of what I say here. I don't want my words misinterpretated again as they have been before. I will say this tho', I am glad there are no more secrets. I hate them, they are always found out and they tend to bite you in the ass once they come out. So enough said about that.

I usually write adoption stuff here, today I am going to be short and sweet. (well ok, maybe not shortr sweet)The last two weeks have been both heaven and hell for me. My Grandma and Aunt were killed in an accident invovling a semi on the way to my Uncle's funeral luncheon. I got home on Sunday, all was fine, except that mom called to tell me the Uncle George(Pops sister My Aunt Iva Jane's, husband) had passed. It was expected so I wasn't very surprised. However on Wednesday morning my sister in law Kay called me to tell me about Grandma and Aunt Shirley. (This was May 31) On Friday my brother Mike and I drove to Hannibal, Missouri for the funeral. It was pretty awful. I have seen Pops cry before, but this was different. It was like when I lost my Dad(pops is my step father) I recall all out wailing and screaming when I got the phone call. It was a very long weekend. I loved my Grandma, I loved her alot. Not related by blood but still she was my Grandma. Still my family, still our family. I have to say I don't know many people my age who still have any living grandparents. So in a large way I was very lucky. Up until the year 2001, I had three who were still here. Anyway on I go.While there I had time to think, and had time for lots of lectures from all of my family. Suffice it to say, I found a new therapist and will be seeing her today for the first time. I knew I needed it for quite some time, but let myself get fooled into thinking I would be ok without it. I think that things are going to be ok now. I did the soul searching I needed to do, it started at graduation and ended in the Dr's office on Monday. I know now that just because I have done therapy before doesn't mean I can do it on my own now. So, I am taking control of it now. The pain has to stop, I have to deal better than I have been or the stress may do more damage to me than can be repaired. I have lost about 20 lbs in the last two weeks, partially due to the stress yes, but also because I realized, I have to take care of me, because if I don't I can't take care of my family, and they still need me to do that. So yeah, you are all still stuck with me for a good long while yet!

But I will add this here. Some of the things I say here some people won't like. I don't want to cause pain to anyone, but I also don't want to have to parse my words for fear of being misinterpreted(did I spell that right?) yet again. Those of you that know me, know I also have a Live Journal. What I don't want out here in the public domain, because I think it will hurt or damage someone will be found there. The foucus of this blog is adoption. It is mostly anti-adoption. If you are offeneded by what I say feel free to comment, hold a reasonable debate or say nothing. I don't mind those things. All I ask if for you to please be courteous and for no flaming here. This is not what this place is for. IF you want that got find somewhere else to read.

Laugh A Lot, It's Good For You~
Mary~